Thousands of years ago, people invented rules and governments as a means of resolving differences that didn’t involve bashing each other with rocks.
We’re still at it, making rules so we can live in a world where we needn’t pick up a rock — or be bashed by one. The most ambitious form of government is democratic: That is, agreeing on rules amongst ourselves, rather than leaving those decisions to a king or potentate.
Over the course of human history, democracies have been rare and short-lived. We tend to fall back to reliance on monarchs of various sorts. The American experiment with democracy 250 years ago inspired European nations to try the same thing. Two world wars in the 20th century seemed to prove that democratic rule might work best for creating peace among citizens and nations.
But all over the world, democracies fail. Governing ourselves is a shaky affair and ships of government sail on stormy seas. That’s natural and understandable. We humans by nature tend to be selfish, self-centered and tribal. We’re hard-wired by evolutionary DNA: The strong survive. Only slowly will our DNA change to recognize that survival of our species will require cooperation of all people.
In the meantime, we have rules and governments and many meetings.
At a seminar of last December’s Alaska Municipal League meeting, a presenter offered the “Nine Pillars of Civility,” a general set of rules for engaging in public debate. The pillars struck me as a good set of ground rules for democratic decision-making. Somehow, in my notes, they became 10. Here they are:
- Consider other opinions.
- Manage your emotions. (Get curious instead of furious.)
- Be kind. (Note nice. There’s a difference.)
- Actively listen.
- Think about your impact. (That’s different than intent.)
- Ask questions to learn.
- Don’t take it personally.
- Use empathy. (Because it hasn’t happened to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.)
- It’s okay not to respond.
- There are no perfect solutions.
Call them “pillars” or “rules” or the Ted Commandments of Public Discourse, it doesn’t matter. They are a good starting point for talking to your neighbors and for governments and citizens trying to settle issues, resolve problems and keep the peace.